Ep 45 - Candy From Strangers

“Urinal Phones, Metal Dreams & Emergency Haircuts”

If you’ve ever questioned humanity because someone brought their phone into a public bathroom… congrats, you’ve found your people.

This episode of The Cool Dad Shirt Podcast spirals (in the best way) through modern-day absurdities, questionable dad decisions, and the kind of conversations that make you laugh and slightly reconsider your life choices.

In This Episode

• The public restroom horror story that will make you sanitize your soul
• Why phones + urinals = the true downfall of civilization
• A deep dive into dad-level germ paranoia (featuring belts, air dryers, and emotional damage)
• The unspoken rules of who hangs up first on phone calls (and why moms never do)
• A 911 pocket dial incident that definitely didn’t look suspicious at all

Special Guest: Jay Returns

Fan-favorite guest Jay Wells L’Ecuyer is back and bringing:

• His new metal project Sky of Ghosts (yes, it’s as intense as it sounds)
• A story about learning to scream again at 40 like a responsible adult
• Opening for Lynch Mob and bombing a perfectly good metal detector joke
• The creative truth: “If I’m not making stuff, I’m miserable.” (relatable, honestly)

Peak Dad Moments

• Sneaking in a haircut while your dad is being taken to the hospital (time management or felony?)
• Letting your kid accept candy from a stranger on the NYC subway (what could go wrong?)
• Realizing your childhood “kid-friendly” movies were… not kid-friendly at all

Bonus Content

• Hockey talk, missing teeth, and why losing teeth somehow makes the sport better marketing
• Debating how long you can ride the high of winning a gold medal (answer: forever)

Also Covered

• The impossible science of three-way light switches
• Neighborhood ecosystems where everyone has a niche (music guy, podcast guy, handyman… what do you do?)
• Why New Year’s resolutions should start in March like rational human beings

Key Takeaways

• Don’t trust anyone who watches videos at a urinal
• Every dad operates in a gray area of “this sounds bad, but I swear it made sense at the time”
• Creativity might be the only thing holding society (and this podcast) together

Listen Now If You Like

• Funny dad podcasts
• Comedy podcasts about parenting & everyday life
• Stories about awkward social situations
• Music, nostalgia, and chaotic energy

Leave a Review = Get Free Stuff

Drop a review and you might score a Cool Dad Shirt Podcast coaster.
(Seriously. Dr. White did it. Be like Dr. White… whoever that is.)

SEO Keywords

funny dad podcast, parenting humor podcast, comedy podcast 2026, dad life stories, funny podcast episodes, public bathroom humor, modern parenting struggles, music and comedy podcast, relatable dad moments, Funny dad moments, phone addiction, comedy podcasts, dad life, real-life stories, unfiltered conversations

Transcript

Cheers. Yeah, I got nothing to cheers with. Got an empty.

OK, Rich. Rich. I'm drinking. I'm going to get out of hand on this. I'm going to get just ridiculous.

And another thing. Welcome to this episode of the Cool Dad Shirt Podcast.

We have a special guest, a returning guest from season one. Jay Wells L’Ecuyer. Cheers, y'alls.

Thank you so much. Thanks for having me. And thanks for living 10 homes away from me. Even in the snowstorm here, it took 30 seconds longer than it normally would.

He was held up by 30 more seconds, yes.

The trudge, yeah. I had to put boots on. It's ridiculous.

I kind of want to start with the A phone on the urinal story, Mike, why don't you dive into that?

I've witnessed this on more than one occasion. And recently on our travels up to the capital district there to view a college for my daughter, we stopped at a rest stop. I ran into the bathroom, which already makes me squeamish just having to go in there and try to avoid touching anything and everything. And while I was in there, 2 urinals down from me, someone came walking into the restroom with their phone in hand, playing a loud video, proceeded to prop the phone up on top of the urinal, continue the video while he was urinating, picked up his phone and headed out. And all I thought to myself is I fear any and every possible germ that's floating in the air. And this guy is now going to put the phone that was on top of the urinal right up against his face to make his next call.

Yeah. It's next level addiction. That's like when we say, hey, just put it down for a second. That's the time. I don't know of any better time to just throw it in the pocket and wash your hands and then touch that thing again.

What was the video? What was so compelling that he could not pause?

It did not sound like anything interesting. It sounded like a very generic internet meme or TikTok video that, you know.

And unless it was Snapchat, it doesn't go away the second it's over. Or I don't know if Snapchat does that anymore, but. Yeah, just pause. Yeah, just go back to it.

To your point, that infection will carry on for days. Yes. If it's not the first time he uses the phone the 6th or 7th time, he will come down with something for sure.

I witnessed patient zero, that's for sure.

I've got a three-year-old and a five-year-old, and we've done a lot of trips to Canada to visit family, and there's always those. highway rest stops. And like what you said about not touching anything, the kids, the second they open the door right away, what's that? what's this? And they're touching like right away, touching the bowl, touching the seat, touching the everything. And I'm like, why? Like, I get it, I guess. I try to have these little pre-game chats, like, okay, you're going to see shiny things. Don't touch it, please. I had an idea recently about how I think belts are probably the grossest thing because of pulling your pants up. Like say you're in the restroom, not to get, let's not get deep into the bathroom humor, bathroom talk right off the hop. But unless you're waddling from the stall to the sink to wash and then pull your pants up, I fear that touching our belts over and over and over. And I don't know of anyone who washes their belts or wipes it down every so often. So I don't know, belts.

The order of operations there would dictate the belt buckle is the source.

If there is any comfort to that, it's at least your own germs and not everybody else's.

That's true.

This is a true story. I always try to prepare myself with some sort of paper towel to avoid touching the doorknob on the way out.

Yep, that's a good go.

Not all bathrooms have paper towel dispensers. They have that air, which freaks me out.

Yeah, the air's weird.

Because now it's just blowing dirty air in your face.

Sucking in the air, yeah, recycling the air, but in a hotter, faster motion directly at your body.

A greater germ incubation center. Yeah.

We've heated up the germs and sent it directly into you.

We learned they multiplied 10 times faster once heated up. So I've been trapped inside the bathroom where I found myself without anything to touch the doorknob and I'm frozen. I've waited by the door until someone would come in and minutes have gone by and it felt like hours and my family then questions me. You're just trapped. Dad, what were you doing in there? And I'm like, you won't believe it, but I was trapped in there and they're.

Like, it was a slow day at the bathroom. No one came. I was screaming. I do the shirt. Well, I got longs. If I got long sleeves, you can do the like in and then touch it with just. with a shirt or short sleeves, I'll put my hand up under the t-shirt and turn with the bottom part of my t-shirt.

Speaking of phones, I did want to ask, I did note, I had a weird observation about who hangs up first in a call. And I do have some friends where I am 100% the guy who hangs up. And most of the time, you don't really think about it, you just hang up. But sometimes, like you're doing something, you can't get your hand on the phone right away. And I've noticed, I've got a couple of friends that The line just stays open until I eventually hang up the phone. It was just a very weird observation. Anybody else have that?

Yeah, my mom will do the like, okay, yep. Okay, love you. Love you too. Yep. Okay. So I'll talk to you tomorrow. Yep. Okay. Have a good night. And I'm like, and I just never know when. There's like 7 endings to the call and they're all milliseconds apart. If I hang up on her, I fear I'll be rude, but I'm like, just, let's just end this thing. Bye. Love you. Bye-bye.

I have a greater problem on the front end.

A massive problem.

Rich will attest. This week in particular, I have accidentally, and my wife has accidentally dialed Rich on more than one occasion this week. Randomly. And I attribute it to Rich being one of the more frequent phone numbers that I dial. So naturally, the odds are in Rich's favor that I'm going to accidentally hit his number on my phone. And this week, I think it was a record, 3 calls from me and one from my wife.

All right.

Well, kids never call. It's the least used app on their phone is the phone. So yeah, the people you actually talk to are old like us. But yes, in a situation you had to trade phones with Nancy to keep a battery going. And then once we connected with numbers, I started getting random phone calls from Nancy, which was very funny.

I pocket dialed 911 a couple months ago.

Oh.

I like it was like, you know, the emergency thing on your phone where I don't know, for whatever reason I was must have clicked something in my pocket when I was doing laundry. And all of a sudden I heard a voice and it was coming from my pocket and I look and it was 911 and there was a dispatcher going like, sir, hello, hi. Like, and I just said, yeah, so sorry, I just, you know, pocket dial by, but then they still do have to send an officer to the house. So the next day talked to me and Allie and I was like, nothing's wrong, is it, honey? Everything's fine. She's like, yes, everything's fine.

Answer this correctly. I don't need more trouble from the fuzz.

When I pinch you twice, you say yes. I'm joking, guys.

Of course, of course. He's a comedian. I love my wife. He's serious here.

I would never.

We had an interesting thing where we got a review on our Spotify channel. And it was very complimentary, which was great. We encourage lots of reviews. Please do that. And that will get you your own very own coaster. Actually, tonight Jay is going home with a custom coaster from it's right there. Yeah, there it is.

There it is. Nice.

It was under my chair like Oprah.

That's right. You get a coaster. You get a coaster.

Everybody gets a coaster. You couldn't see my arms. I was doing the Oprah arms.

No, but seriously, if you write a review, we'll send it out. We did get one from somebody named Dr. White. We have no idea who that is. please send us a direct message on Instagram or something. You know, you want to find out who you are so we can thank you in person.

If it's a real doctor, that means you guys have like a classy, smart listener base, which says something about you guys.

So that's highly unlikely.

It could be one of those just like Dr. Love or Dr. Green Thumb kind of. I think you're on. People throw the word doctor around quite a lot online without paperwork to prove it.

No relation to Dr. Feelgood.

Dr. Dre.

Dr. Feelgood. Regardless of your actual status, let us know so we can thank you in person. Yeah, that would be great.

No judgment on what kind of doctor or if you're a doctor at all.

We don't even care if you made it up. No, it doesn't matter. I tell stories too. It's fine. But seriously, writer of you. So you broke into song a moment ago, Jay, which is a perfect lead into tell us about what you're doing with the band, how you got into it, and how you were getting all this traction right out of the gate. That's amazing. Tell us the story.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. And well, the traction is a lot of just my, well, I don't know where to start exactly.

Jay, I'll tell you where to start.

Hit me.

Start when your father gave you the microphone when you first started singing the band.

They did give me a microphone for Christmas one year. Okay. Summer, 2002. For real, I was in a high school band like this, what the gentlemen are referencing, for anyone listening. I screamed in a metal core band, I guess you could call it, early 2000s style, back in high school. And I turned 40 last year, so it was sort of my way of being like, I don't know, I want to do something cool again. I want to get the old band back together type thing and scream like a teenager. And luckily, my neighbor next door, Rich's neighbor as well, Mr. Nick Perry. He was in bands like that back in the early 2000s. And he writes all this kind of music. I didn't know why I moved next door to him. And we just got on the conversation of music and he told me he writes these songs. And the one song I heard had a bit of like a, you know, heavy metal vibe. And I was like, oh man, if you ever, I don't know, just threw it out there. Like, if you ever want to make a song, I'd love to scream on it and do kind of a online or over the whatever computer sort of 40 year old with two kids GarageBand. And he whipped 3 up in like a few days. And I was like, oh, I'm not ready at all. Like, I didn't know how into it he was going to be. I figured like, he's got two young kids and a job and everything. I was like, this could be a year from now, if ever. But he was so pumped. He sent these songs. And then I realized I hadn't screamed in like 20 something years. So I tried in my basement and it was terrorizing my throat. It just hurt so bad. So I went online, I found like a vocal coach and all these tutorials and I learned how to scream without terrorizing my voice. Yeah, then I wrote some lyrics and my brother-in-law, Brian Shortell, he's in a band, Northern Faces. They're a pretty big band. But his trade, like his job is mixing and mastering albums and recording songs. So I couldn't believe how easy everything, like how I lucked out into like looking next door. Not long ago, this never would be a thing, as you guys know, like how hard it would be, you know, pre-digital realm to get people together and then to record music would be so expensive that this never would have happened. So I look next door, a guy makes me a song. I look to my brother-in-law, he records me for free and mixes and masters it. Yeah, we put out a song. I couldn't believe how fast and easy it was.

Can you tell us where Sky of Ghosts come from?

I came up with that name. It's kind of a double meaning where I'm a big like science universe kind of nerd and there was a great cosmos episode, the Neil deGrasse Tyson one in like 2014. where they're talking about stars being so far away that by the time their light gets to you, they might already be dead. So the episode had a great line called like Sky Full of Ghosts, not to get all like loss. And like the song itself is about like a traumatic, like losing a friend and in a traumatic way and other, you know, friends and family members that we lose along the way. And it just had this like sky full of ghosts kind of double meaning. And I just thought it was metal as all hell, Sky of ghosts.

So where can they, where can they find that Jay?

Where's the Everywhere, everywhere music is heard. So the son of the band is iTunes.

We tell people that too. They don't seem to find us though, Jay.

Yeah, How can we make it easier for you, people?

We keep telling people, this podcast is available everywhere.

Everywhere.

No one seemed to find it.

It's under your couch right now. Get it?

No one's finding our podcast, Jay.

Dr. White found it.

It's tough. I'm sure you guys could do something very similar for the podcast as well.

Write our own metal song.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Which we could do.

So if I can tie both music and comedy together, I do have a question for you. My band played, it was kind of a big deal this past week at Empire Live. It was great. We opened for George Lynch, Lynch Mob. That's huge, man. It was a blast. It was pro-level lights, pro-level sound. It was amazing. But I, so while we were there during sound check, they were rolling the metal detector out front. And while the guy was getting ready and I said, You're like, wait till superposition comes on.

It's going to be more metal than you can handle.

Turn it up to 11, like spinal tube.

That detector.

You guys already see where this joke is going.

Oh, sorry.

No, but I said to the guy, I said, I said to the guy, so when you put this out there, to get in, do you actually have to set off the metal detector to come hear the music? And the guy goes, you wouldn't believe what people do. They come in here with these big knives and stuff like that. The joke totally failed. Later, somebody was going out. I was like, I got to go set this up and hook it up. And I tried the joke a second time. I'm like, so to come into this show, do you have to set the metal detector off? And the guy's like, you're not going to believe the people who try to come in here with stuff.

That's a great joke, *****.

So I want to ask you, how many times do you just say, this is not landing, it's not working?

You know what it is, though. It was your audience where they, these like security type people, they just showed up to work and now they're in that mode. So any talk of metal and talk, like they're in this, how can I find the knives and guns? And then they look over at some clown making a joke and they're like, how could you joke at a time like this? We're trying to save lives. But I swear if you said that exact same thing to the tech guy or someone else that wasn't in that realm, I promise you it would have got a laugh.

Okay, good. Well, you guys got the joke before I even got halfway through it, so I feel much better. Thank you for that.

Thank you. Great joke.

All I'm thinking is a battle of the bands, you know? Let's decide the winner. Bring out the metal detector, you know? They have to go through it.

We have detected, we have detected metal.

Good stuff. What do you got, Mike? What's next?

Yeah, Mike.

Now that your five-year-old starts to be able to conceptualize and understand things more, do you make any like deals with him so you don't get in trouble? Hey, I'll let you have an extra snack.

Yeah, He rats me out though. Like I love the honesty, but I have like a I just don't tell, like, I don't even know what example it would be, but it would, it would be like a video. Like I was showing him, I'm trying to get him into some cool old movies and stuff. And then there's, when you look back at like the Goonies or like certain movies, whatever you liked growing up, and you think it was like, oh, this is a kid's movie. And then you put it on for a kid and you're like, oh God, like, there's like the first scene in the Goonies, a guy hangs himself in this jail cell. One of the Fratelli brothers in a ruse to escape jail, he pretends to hang himself. So one of the first images is a body hanging from his jail cell door. And I've shown my five-year-old this. And I'm like, now I have to just think back on so many moments like in Ninja Turtles or in like, what are certain, the 80s were a dark time, like Never Ending Story. I remember how many, Labyrinth, like even some things that you think would be. David Bowie, yeah. But there's some dark themes in there.

Not even the dark ones. I remember Christmas Vacation, which is a very funny movie, a tradition. And in recent years, it just shows up on cable. I don't have cable anymore, but years ago when my kids were like 7 to 9 on cable, it would show up, but they edit a ton of stuff out of there. So I remember renting it once. I'm like, oh, this is very good stuff. That is chock full of really inappropriate, innuendo, sexual content. It was very uncomfortable with my young daughters watching a lot of it.

Oh yeah, there's that whole scene that's so awkward. I watched that with my parents too. I remember, you know, there's like, sex scenes or kind of sultry scenes in 80s and 90s movies that just had to be like 10 minutes long. And you're just like, your mom or whoever is just around or someone you don't want to be watching anything with. And you're like, this is never ending.

It always seems like the ladies love a hockey player with a chipped tooth.

Yeah, And of course.

Jack Hughes now with his chipped tooth.

Taking a hockey stick to the face. And then the fact that he scored after two, it's not just, he didn't, like if he got his teeth knocked out and then didn't score the goal, it would just be another, because he even just got his teeth fixed. He missed a lot of time for broken teeth recently and then just got them fixed. And so they were asking him like, how is it being back in the dentist chair soon?

Do you think he wears the gold medal to the dentist now?

Yeah, I would. How long could you skate by on, not to use that term, but how long could you think you can get by being like, I won a gold medal at the, months from now, you think people would be like, oh yeah, that thing that happened?

You get a lot of mileage out of that, I would think.

I think you could. I think you could.

I mean, he's pretty recognizable even in just standard pop culture, I think.

I was going to say, even before the medal, he's pretty well known, so.

Yeah, he's a. one of the top players in the NHL. But I think the history too of not winning a gold medal since Miracle on Ice, 46 years, like that alone, any fan base, and now this is a whole nation.

It felt pretty good, I gotta say.

I'm Canadian, so it hurt, but the teeth, everyone was like, oh, sorry, man, how are you doing? How are you doing? Because I'm a big, I play hockey, I play like 2, three times a week, and I'm a big Canada fan, born and raised, and I'm a proud Canadian.

We love Canada.

Thanks, gentlemen. That's what I was fishing for. Am I in a safe place right now? But I wasn't that upset because of the teeth thing, because I was like, okay, it's representing hockey well overall.

So had no teeth been knocked out, you would have been less pleased with the outcome.

Yes. Yeah. But it just represented hockey, like how we're talking about it right now.

Yeah.

I want whatever gets the word of the good word of hockey out there into the world then. Sure. It's okay with me. Agreed.

Hey, often on the show, I bring up my dad, whose health unfortunately is not that good. So.

I'm sorry.

And I appreciate that. So there's a lot of doctor appointments and phone calls. And you know, sometimes we chuckle at some of them because they are thankfully not too life-threatening. They're just little visits or episodes that can be remedied with some antibiotic or a little health care. And recently, I had an episode we had to attend to, and it came off a week where there was a lot of doctor appointments, and I was busy working, I was missing a lot of work, and I was having to take him to a lot of these appointments, and I was unable to get a lot of things done in my personal life. One such thing was a haircut, and it had been several, weeks that I'd gone without a haircut. We had a little situation that occurred at the house, and while I am a bit shameful to admit this, it does make for a bit of a funny story. We had an issue at at the house and normally I bring him to the emergency room and we get in and out there and it all works out good. But in this particular instance, it was a little difficult to get him up and out. Therefore I had to call an ambulance. I originally had plans of getting a haircut at 9 A.m. that morning. which unfortunately got interrupted by the issue we had at the house. But being the quick thinking individual that I am, I realized that once he gets on the ambulance and on his way to the emergency room, there's going to be some time where I won't be able to go see him anyway. So we loaded him up in the ambulance and they rolled off to the emergency room. And I thought, it's a small window, but this is my window to get a haircut. So I left and went and got a haircut and arrived at the hospital. It even worked out better than I could have imagined because by the time I got there, he was only just settled in an exam room and no one even noticed that I got a haircut. So it was a huge win.

Were you feeling a little like... guilt slash nervous that when you showed up, the people like the paramedics or people that saw you there would be like, did you go get a haircut?

Yeah, I wasn't sure if anybody would ask questions. And I got a little nervous because when I went to the barbershop, there was someone already in the chair and it was a bit of a delay. I knew I could get right in. So I got nervous, but he got me in and out and I got to the hospital. Not a single question. No one was the wiser.

That's kind of Seinfeld-y, like a sitcom episode where I had time. Jerry, I had time to go get a haircut. You got a haircut? Your father's in the hospital, you gonna get a haircut?

It sounds terrible.

That's what I'm saying. Like optics, it's like in, oh, there's so many like funny things in life where it's just like optics wise, I can see how this looks bad, but I promise it was okay. And it's a busy world we live in. Time is hard to come by. Days get shorter and shorter. You always, you're thinking on your feet. You're like, I need, I got to do this.

That is next level time management. And you do look fabulous. It's true.

Damn. Coming from a bald gentleman. I wear a hat because of baldness, but.

I'm right there with you. Yes, you are.

Here we are.

You're talking to follically challenged individuals on this call.

Yeah. So we have no sympathy for you whatsoever. I can't get a haircut. I know exactly what you mean.

I've not seen a barber in decades.

I know. Almost 20 years ago, I would have been on your page, but I hope your dad's okay overall.

Overall, thank you. He's doing all right. A lot of upcoming doctor appointments, so.

Oh, nice.

I'll continue to stay well groomed.

Yes, please. Oh, speaking of optics of a story, guys, wow, this is a two callback in one story right now. So took my son to New York City, just the two of us, to stay at a friend's house. Wanted to go to the Natural History Museum, show him some dinosaur bones. loved it, had the time of his life. We're on the subway and he's on my lap and right beside us is a woman eating nerd clusters, nerd candies. And he's just basically like a dog just like staring at this bag like, and like inches from her face. But she's this like precious little 20 something, probably NYU student, her boyfriend's arm around her and they're being all cutesy and they just seem so nice. And they strike up a conversation. We end up talking for a while. He's melting their hearts. Like he's a precious little angel, you know? So after minutes of getting to know each other, she offers him some candy, but then she's even sweet enough to go like, oh, if that's okay with you, dad. And I'm like, yeah, you're, you know, you're fine.

At which point you said, don't tell mom.

Yeah, exactly. Afterwards. No, but I didn't. I didn't even think, cause that was like, One of a billion things we did. We did like the Empire State Building, World Trade Tower. Like I drove around.

Take the candy from a stranger.

Yeah, I took candy from a stranger. New York things.

You checked all the boxes that day.

New York things. Times Square. But no, that's the thing he tells his mom. I got candy on the subway. She's like, what? she's already a little nervous me taking at the time he was only four to New York City and walking around Times Square with him. I'm like, oh, I lived here for like 10 years. Like I'm going to hold on to the kids and he's not, it's fine. We're good. But sure enough, her nerves comes back. It's like candy from a stranger on the subway. And I'm like optically and I looked at her and I'm like, I know how bad this sounds, but I promise you, I made the choice. It was a good choice. It was fine. He was fine. She was fine.

It's literally the first conversation you have with your young child. You never take candy from a stranger and right out of the gate, Jay.

Even had that, we never had a take candy from stranger conversation. Now he just thinks it's, he thinks it's a fun thing to do. It's standard practice.

I want to go back to New York.

Everyone on the subway has candy and they all want to give it to me.

Hey son, we're headed into the city today. Do you want to grab something to eat before we go? No, I'll just pick up some candy from a stranger on the subway.

I'll be good, Dad. It's this like communal thing, Dad. It's like a potluck.

You never know what you're going to get.

What are we bringing?

So I had a question for you, Jay, as a bit of a celebrity yourself. What? That's insane. Just take it. Just take it. So we often reference one of our favorite podcasts, David Spade and Dana Carvey, 2 alumni alums from Saturday Night Live. And I remember Dana Carvey saying one time, if you're ever starstruck or you want to, you meet a celebrity, you don't know what to say, the go-to is like, oh, I love all your work. I love all the things you do and stuff like that. He said, but really, if you really want to say something meaningful to somebody that you meet, pick something very specific, something very specific that they did that touched you or changed your life. And that's really, you got to go in with that to have something meaningful with the person that you're meeting.

Yeah, I agree wholeheartedly.

So I think Mike and I would agree. This is the setup to the question about 2026. Mike and I were both wondering if we're going to see more of your *** in videos this year.

Yeah.

And if so, is there a BB still lodged in your buttocks?

I forgot about that. Wow.

We didn't.

Yeah, and it bounced off, luckily.

I'm amazed at that alone, that you did not have to get that thing removed.

No, it bounced off and it bled quite a bit.

Was that your sister from the grassy?

Your sister from the grassy? How did she get off six shots with the bolt action BB gun?

It was the magic bullet. Yeah. The angle did not line up.

Siblings.

Yeah, no, I shot her with a BB gun growing up. So that was a payback. It was my 40th birthday weekend getaway kind of thing. I just. Same idea of the like, what can I do? I'm turning 40. I called up a lot of my old comedy pals and got wildly drunk for 48 hours. And I grew up when ******* and CKY was a thing when we were all 15 or 16 and everyone was trying to outdo each other. And I was the craziest one. And I did some wild **** broke a lot of bones, got a lot of stitches. And that was my little way of, you know, getting back to my old self, you know?

So you got that going for you.

Yeah. So I let my sister shoot me in the **** with a, it was a Crack Barrel, like a full-on pelican. Yeah, it was good.

For the listeners, we want to say that he was wearing a woman's one-piece swimsuit when this happened.

Yeah.

That's very important.

Yeah, And then I like pulled up the swimsuit in the back to look more like a thong.

It was a little cheeky.

It was a little cheeky. Yes, thank you. Yes.

It was noted.

Yes.

I mean, it's starting to come back to me, but I think that was the video that the guy was watching with his phone on the urinal when I was in the public restaurant. Okay, yeah. I think that was it. I think he was watching your video.

Well, then of course he couldn't put it down. How can you put that down? It all makes sense now. On repeat over and over and over.

Slow motion.

The sound of the smack, the screaming and crying. That was a fun weekend, you guys.

We are entering March now, and that seems to be about the time of year where you like to assemble a goals list.

Yeah, goals, yes. I'm drumming up a goals list.

All right.

We'll involve another metal song for sure. Maybe some rap. I want to rap more, you guys. All right, game on. And then a lot of writing. I'm going to write a couple more full-length screenplays. I've been writing a ton last year and this year and make more YouTube videos and just, I don't know, got into therapy a few years back. And the theme is I'm wildly depressed when I'm not making things. So I just need to make things.

You need to be creatively, creatively engaged at all times. Yeah, that's really cool.

And Jan and Fab are not really a time, like I've been doing stuff, but I just, you know, winter, let's all just hibernate and calm down.

I agree. Those are tough months.

It's strange that New Year's resolutions happen in January. Is that what you're getting to with March?

Yeah, I seem to recall your list. Last year was around March. Came out in the third month.

Yeah. You know what, this year, it was like, I kind of like that where it feels like cramming for a test, like leaving or leaving an essay for like the night before, being like, oh **** I guess I better do some stuff. It's almost Thanksgiving.

I got to get to something.

I wanted to do, I did a joke a while ago about how when you live in a place with winter, how insane it is to have New Year's resolutions in January. Of course, it's not gonna work out. Like you've got all these life-changing goals and then it's, you know, a foot of snow outside, you're trying to dig your car out and minus whatever degree weather. Just calm down, hibernate, and then it should be like, you know, let's work with nature here. And when spring comes around, Let that be the New Year's resolution time, you know.

I will see you at daylight savings, yes.

Yeah, exactly. This is great, you guys. This is my, I know I'm back on the couch, but I'm usually on my couch A lot. So now I got someone else's couch.

Yeah, he's joining us from Studio D, and that stands for downstairs. That stands for downstairs. He's sweet.

It's a nice couch. Thanks, man.

You look amazingly relaxed.

It's a rental.

It's a red talk.

I'm going to podcast episode.

I haven't seen Rich in person in quite some time. As I mentioned, we went up in the Capital District to look at a college recently. And we got to spend a little time, about an hour and a half or so, with Rich and our other friend Wiley's kids came by to say hi. I thought it was a great visit, Rich. Would you agree?

Oh, yeah. So nice to.

Nancy sort of made me second guess it because for the next couple days, we were busy. And for whatever reason, Rich and I didn't catch up on the phone. And we normally talk a couple times a week. Nancy said, oh, hey, did you speak to Rich? I said, no, I haven't heard from him yet. And she said, well, maybe that visit didn't go so well.

What? That's not how guys work.

She was totally joking. She was totally joking. Oh, that's good. All right.

I thought she was reading deep into it, like, well, you didn't say that one thing four days ago.

Okay, that's a good burn. Yeah, that's a good burn.

Yeah, that'll, that'd be funny to second guess, like, wow, Rich hasn't called in a while, honey.

He was always so nice over the years. What do you think went wrong?

Probably because of that thing you said. What did I say? You don't remember?

Has anybody changed a three-way light switch? I've done a handful in my life where, you know, you got two light switches that control the same light. Over the course of my life, I've replaced a few of those switches and they're a little bit tricky, especially in old houses like Jay and I have, where the colors of the wires are not consistent. It's kind of whatever they had in 1952 and they threw it together. And I will tell you, I've run through every single combination and it's always like the fifth one I try. It should be very straightforward, but there is a method to the badness of doing a proper three-way switch, and I've never gotten it right on the first time. I've studied it, I've done YouTube videos, I AI'd it, still screwed it up.

So the bomb would have gone off, is what you're saying?

Yeah.

If it was.

Note to self.

So the 5th wire, yeah, the bomb won't give you 5 wires.

You're going to have to make a choice.

If you need something disarmed, I'm not the guy to call. No. Rich, Rich, we need you. I'm going to sit this one out, okay, guys.

There's 5 wires. I lucked out with my father-in-law living 3, four doors down from me, and he's retired and probably the most handyman I've ever come across. The guilt I have as a man, I'm obviously a writer, creative-y kid that this is the first house I've ever owned, and there's so many things I now have to know. So he'll come and teach me quite a lot.

And Jay holds the flashlight.

Yeah, I do. Yeah. That brings a lot back to my childhood.

Keep it steady.

Like this, son. Like this. Right here. Okay, Dan, sorry. Sorry, Dad. Does he grab your hand and realign it?

Right here.

Pay attention.

Yeah. And now I even have a phone to look at the whole time, so I'm more distracted than I was as a kid. What are you looking at? You're supposed to be paying attention.

Watching videos. Lights shining in the poor guy's eyes.

Yeah.

So the beauty of the phone, the beauty of the phone is you can actually point the light while watching Instagram at the same time if you're good at it. Yeah, you just got to pay attention.

I can't believe the people living in this Lower Glenn neighborhood here. I mean, you got all sorts of walks of life.

Well, I'm on Lower Glennon. Well, he's actually on.

Because it's a hill. It's not a. This isn't a class thing at all.

It's a socioeconomic thing.

No, It's just a landscape. Yeah. Oh, he lives up the hill. That's just a landscape thing. My house is a ***** ** ****. You can have a shack at the top of a hill and a mansion at the bottom. But it does sound nice saying uphill.

Yes, we just we just like the Lower Glennon joke. Yes.

Lower Glennon, yes. Rabble, rabble, rabble. I guess I'm midway up. I'm mid Gale Lane, but great St. I love it.

Of course, the Hoffmans live at the top. They actually are wealthy, and they do live at the highest point on our street.

Yeah, that's funny. That is the one crazy big house, and then the rest are just houses.

Hoffman from like Hoffman Playland right down the road, or that.

Playland, the car washes, the real estate moguls. Yeah, all of them.

Yes, The Hoffman's of the Playland fortune. Yeah. I don't know if you know us Hoffman's. We're into Playlands. My daddy's daddy was into Playlands. His daddy's daddy was into... Come from a long line of Playland owners.

My uncle was a clown.

You know when you're driving, I haven't done this before. It's like you're on a road trip and you see like, Dansville population, whatever. And then the next exit is like Dansville business district, exit 7. So it's like, oh yes, the business district, a perfect place to conduct my business. Like I just picture a guy with his briefcase like, Diane, we've made it, the Dansville business. And the guy just pulls over into the strip of some small town like, time to make some money.

So Jay, if listeners wanted to find you, how can they track you down and see some of your stuff?

For the funny stuff, my website, jwellslaquier.com, I have all my writings. I write for a few different websites like Cracked and the Hard Times and have a lot of funny videos on there as well. Then, yeah, the band is Sky of Ghosts. The single is Life Leaves. And that is everywhere. Yeah, that's the medley stuff. And then the comedy stuff. Yeah. Instagrams. I post a lot of funny videos and I hope you enjoy them.

We do. We do for sure.

Thanks, guys.

Rich, if someone wanted to find us, where could they find?

Us? Everywhere. We've been over this.

Diane will tell you we are on literally every single platform. You can even catch some video shorts. on YouTube. Yeah, so just, and most importantly, tell a friend and get a free coaster if you write a review and tell us who you are. We need that too. There it is. Excellent plug, Jay. Thank you.

Your table will thank you. Cool Dad showed podcast for the wood.

All right. Well, Jay, thank you very much for joining us. You're our first repeat guest. This was a ton of fun. Thank you so much.

What a crazy neighborhood, right? It's insane. I don't have to go anywhere. You could put a dome over this neighborhood. I got my music guy next door. I got a podcast guy down the street. This is insane.

You got a handyman.

I got a handyman.

You got a handyman.

Yeah. I'm going to start knocking on everyone's door and be like, what can you offer me? You, sir. What do you do? What can you do for me?

I'll tell you a joke. What do you got? Oh, good stuff. Good stuff.

Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

All right, dudes.

Great show on, Mike. This episode was my favorite episode ever. The guy with the red beard is so nice and funny.